Somehow I’ve messed up all my days…???

This is actually day 28. The dizziness from the pills has settled down in the morning. However, I have been having early nights and taking them earlyish. They seem to make me quite tired and drowsy, which I am not complaining about. I am a light sleep so it’s not a bad thing. Even the dreams have relaxed somewhat now.

I have an appt with my Doc in two days time for the first bloodwork post commencement.I know it’s going to be good. I can tell the change in my body. I have been feeling a bit low in sex drive though lately but am unsure if that is physical or mental.  

Hey, it’s my birthday and I’m feeling fine. Stiull having weirdo-city dreams and waking up approximately 2-3 times throughout the night, but certainly nothing I can’t manage.  I just force myself to forget them and go straight back to sleep.

I have noticed that I get really hot in bed at night. Maybe that is causing some restlessness?

I booked my first monitoring appt with my doctor for next week… I hope I get the results I need!

Ok now, I’ve been a bit slack over the past few days in keeping this journal up to date. Mainly because I have been feeling good and have had little to report. However, last night was a shocker. I had been drinking in the evening and was quite pissy, not great on a “school night”, but the weather was so gorgeous it was hard not to celebrate.

Anyway, I went to bed early-ish, feel straight to sleep, but then awoke at 1.30am. This was when the trouble started. I kinda never fell back into a deep sleep again. It was like my brain was switched on high all night, working itself on overload. I felt like I was asleep, but I was consciously guiding my dreams and interactively participating in them. It is a very strange feeling.

I was not unsettled, just annoyed that I missed out on a long period of deep sleep. I looked at the clock nearly every hour and found it very difficult to get out of bed this morning. I dragged myself out. I am feeling tired and unslept now.

I’ve worked out that the weekends are best for me after taking my meds. That’s because I don’t have to put on a suit and manage staff. At home I can daudle and am not really aware of the hangover effects of the Efivarenz.

I don’t think drinking a lot of alcohol helps much either….

Points. 

1/ Cut down on Sunday drinking

2/ Take a sleeping pill on Sunday nights

3/ Make sure my dog is settled before I go to sleep

4/ Use ear plugs so my neighbours do not disturb me.  

Had a really good sleep last night (though I was prepared - a valium and my resltess dog shunted off to a mate’s house for the night).

Today I feel calmer, clearer and more in control of life and my health. I can also tackle my work troubles head on without feeling so precious.

This morning I wasn’t too light-headed and I am quite hungry now at lunchtime. Good good. I even had a yummy latte on my way to work.

Perhaps things are looking up again.

I had a really restless sleep last night, waking up a lot, including at 5.30am this morning. I’m not sure if it was related to work worries or the pills, but today I feel kinda frazzled and a bit shitty. I am sweating a little (which isn’t great in a suit) and look a bit “rough” – puffy tired eyes etc.

I can taste the pills in my mouth, They have that weird, almost metallic, taste. My teeth and tongue feel sort of numb. Hopefully I’ll feel fresher by lunchtime.

I avoided coffee this morning when I arrived at work. That was hard…I miss the caffeine but knew it would make me feel worse this morning.

Nothing to report. No news is good news. This is kinda easier than I could have possibly imagined.

I am very, VERY happy with this outcome.

Is it possible that I am feeling so good? So normal? So rested? So unfreaked out?

Well it must be because that’s exactly how I feel. Strangely serene.

After reading all of the information regarding the side effects before I commenced this regime, I prepared myself for the worst. That’s what I was told. That’s what I thought. That’s what I readied myself for.

But now, a mere 5 days in, I’m feeling great. Almost guilty that I over-reacted, or at least reacted the way I did, before I started them. I even slept in this morning until 9am, usually unheard of for me as I’m an earlybird. But I awoke at 6.30am as usual, looked at the clock, rolled over and only woke up to the phone ringing. It was bliss. 9.5 hours sleep.

And last night, I even got a bit pissy and had my pills with a mate over. Fine. No dizziness. No nothing. Just an eventful sleep. Well not TOTALLY uneventful. I dreamt that as a 40 year old I was asked by this perfect looking 17 year old school boy to accompany him to the Year 12 formal (prom). His girlfriends supported him 100% and even talked me into going with him. I was embarrassed at the concept but said yes anyway. It wasn’t a romantic date, but a power date. He wanted the world to know who and what he was.

it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out where that dream came from.

Is it wrong that I am feeling so good this morning?

I had a productive night’s sleep with little dreaming that I can recall. I did wake up early but that is nothing out of the ordinary. This morning I’m feeling 90%. Just a touch of fuzz in the background and ever so slightly nauseous.

I gotta steer clear of coffee because it seems to give me the jitters and a sick feeling. Hopefully I’ll overcome that as I LOVE MY JAVA.

Anyway, it’s Friday and I’m feeling pretty damn pleased with myself.  

I hope I am not speaking TOO soon, but I feel a hellova lot betterer today. I had a relatively good night’s sleep, only waking three times, and once was due to the dog’s ears flapping.

I dreamt pleasant dreams, though still really involved and intense. It’s like my brain doesn’t turn off at night but is in full creative mode, cranking out these scenarios. None have been frightening yet which is a good sign because otherwise I may not enjoy sleeping. But at this stage, getting into bed is still a welcome conclusion to the day.

And this morning I awoke with a spring in my step. Not half as dizzy, tired or spacey as yesterday. I heard a silly pop song on the radio (‘Keep on movin’ by 5ive) and cried for a split second. From happy to sad to happy in under half a minute. I am guessing this hyper-emotional state is linked to a range of emptions and perhaps the drugs themselves.

I am just pleased that I can report good things on Day3.  

Wow!

How different was last night! Instead of a solid sleep, I woke up every hour, on the hour. I went straight back to sleep each time though, but still couldn’t get out of bed this morning. Felt a bit wrecked. Smashed by a train.

As for dreams, yep, they came on thick and fast again, but in snippets this time rather than a full cinematic experience. I remember discovering that Kylie lived in a house in a back laneway behind the very first place i moved into when I relocated to Melbourne 16 years ago. Of course she doesn’t live there but that’s not the point.

Maybe I dreamt of her because I had been discussing Kylie and her breast cancer with a friend over dinner before I went to bed. Otherwise the dreams were unmemorable.

Side effects include clammy hands, trembling hands, dry mouth, dizziness (if I stand up too fast I could easily stumble), complete loss of appetite, a hot flushed feeling, tiredness and restlessness.

Yesterday afternoon I had to sleep for an hour on the floor of the office because I was overwhelmed by tiredness. I just passed out instantly. Afternoon napping is usually an impossibility for me so again this is a strange side effect.