Day 1

Last night my life changed.

After 13 years of being HIV positive and being in good health, I started HAART (Highly Active Anti-Viral Therapy). This blog will document my journey, at least through the initial stages, of adapting to Efivarenz and Kivexa, the two drugs that I’m going to be taking.

I have sought good advice from a number of professionals and lay-people on which are best drugs to take and I have finally decided on these two, despite the known side effects of Efivarenz. I have been considering this move for a few months and it has been like revisiting my HIV diagnosis all over again. I have found it very challenging, often upsetting and quite saddening. But it is something I need to do. I want to be around to win this battle.

So after taking the day off work, I visited the hospital and filled my perscription. Holding that brown paper bag, I knew that this was the first time of many I would be visiting this special dispensary.

Some time later, it was the final countdown until 10pm, my designated time to pop my new little friends. The pills I would be on for the rest of my life. Chatting to friends online, I downed the first two pills, with a valium for support and waited.

It was nearly 40 minutes later before I started feeling flushed and slight dizzy. I put myself to bed for the fun bit.

It was a night full of full on dreaming, supposedly asleep and yet somehow still  conscious. I dreamt that I was on a motorbike road trip with a bunch of lesbians and some males travelling from Melbourne to Perth. At no time was I freaked by it but I was aware it was a strange thing to be dreaming. I told myself twice that it was the drugs making me think like that, even though I was still asleep. Towards the end of the dream I became a third party to the 2 motorbikes and watched from above as they wound their way through bushland roads. It was a very involved, complicated dream that seemed to go on for many hours but I can’t recall the details now.

Now here I am at work, feeling lightheaded and spaced out. My depth perception seems skew wif, it’s hard to focus on the monitor and I’m not hungry. I realise the importance of eating so I’m off to get a toasted sandwich for breakfast…and a coffee. I hope that settles me somewhat. I was meant to exercising tonight but I think I’ll give that a miss and focus on the un/reality at hand.

My hands are shaking terribly, which is unusual for me, and I even had trouble shaving this morning. My mouth seems dry too which may be my nerves. And did I mention that I’ve cried twice already this morning?

I hope things start to look up soon.

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